Get Divorced

by Miniature Philosopher

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Tapes and CDs coming soon through Sleep On It Records and L&M Records respectively.


released September 14, 2016



all rights reserved


Miniature Philosopher Worcester, Massachusetts

stupid kid with a yamaha keyboard and a guitar


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Track Name: What a Wonderful World
i'm sick of everything and everyone
i've been considering falling in love
i know it never comes as advertised
by i'll try because i don't care how much it hurts me
i'm just sick of being lonely
make me bleed because i'm thirsty
i'm ready to die

i feel like giggling caligula
rome burns but i just feel like having fun
let global warming kill the rest of us la la la
they say the world is in our fingertips
i fear the world is just a piece of shit
tv reports a thousand megadeaths la la la
so let's get drunk and go to parties
snort things off each others' bodies
cause life out here is really only
nasty, brutish, short, and great

so drive a hundred down the highway
because the cold war just turned spicy
like jalapenos in your ice cream
except in this case we're all dying

and so i think to myself
what a wonderful world
Track Name: Honorable Friend
i wanna smoke a cigarette
but i have grown up and quit
i see that you haven't just yet
i wish that things weren't so different

i'm driving home in my dad's ford
because i've got work in the morn
i wanna wake up on your floor
and stay a couple hours more
without the knocking on the door
of obligations or the world

i wanna love you like i did
when we were 16 year old kids
but now you've got a new boyfriend
and even though we're miles from him
i am an honorable friend
Track Name: A Requiem For Guinness the Parrot
i had a parrot named Guinness
he was in it to win it
until he inhaled too much smoke
from my father's cigarettes

and Guinness it does bring me down
that you won't be around for me
on my graduation ceremony

but Guinness I am kind of glad
that you won't use the words you picked up from my dad
like "fuck," and "shit," and "Rush Limbaugh isn't all that bad"
and especially "Doris, I still love you but I gotta leave cause I feel trapped."
Track Name: I'm Afraid That I'm In Love
i know that i am just another ordinary guy
i cannot offer much but at least i know how to drive
so if just for tonight let's put out of sight
what's wrong and what's right and take a long ride
through the town where we grew up
and my heart's racing like a chevy impala because

i feel uneasy now because
i'm afraid that i'm in love
i wanna call you or write you a letter
i wanna kiss you now because
the seratonin in my brain
leaves with you and causes pain
but today its different (is it really different?)
no, i know its all the same

we could listen to blink 182
while we're driving to the super market dumpster
for some grub or maybe a cigarette butt or a discarded plastic 40
but the world isn't that pretty
Track Name: The Various Upsides of Letting Go
how does it taste?
how does it look from outer space?
i hate the color blue
in fact i hate most everything unless i'm with you

and how does it feel
to straddle the line between surreal and real?
waking up next to you
i open up my eyes and all my dreams have come true

but oh look at the bags under my eyes
we stay up late and take our time
in this race to die
and oh look at the dirt under my feet
it feels real soft and warm to me
like our bed sheets

how would i have known
the various upsides of letting go?
i gave up on my career
i feel sufficiently important just being with you dear
Track Name: I Hate Myself
everyone is sickening
i feel my pulse quickening
i'm scared
everyone around me is convulsing and shouting
and i don't care cause i'm going upstairs
to the room where they've got the coca
i just wish i could get to know you
i don't care
i am not scared
i lost my keys
i don't know where

met the wide received he said he was a senior
all right
i'm not scared of dying let's do a little driving
i don't care cause i'm sick of this stuff
let's go tear this piece of shit town up
while me and you and the night are still young
find my keys
and we can ride
i swear to god
i'm good to drive

woke up the next morning thundering and pouring
on the floor alone i got up to walk home
and i don't care cause i'm getting vodka
two packs of smokes and two grams of coca
see you in the store pretend not to know you
i hate myself
i'm in poor health
i found my keys
they're on the shelf
Track Name: 666
i don't wanna get dressed
i want to stay inside
with all of the nightmares i'm sifting around in my mind
i don't wanna breathe in the rancid air
oh well, who cares?

cause every city's lights look just the same
buzzing like mosquitoes in my brain
i was planning my escape for florida or the cape
but the whole world looks like amherst anyways

i don't celebrate sunday
or jesus christ
and so i'm in the chasm without God for the first time in my life
and so I'm tired of trying to be righteous or holy or stand up for some kind of cause
i am just gonna find some peace of mind
in this big old franzia box

well julian knows best but he's going west
to toss his paper planes
and john is on the phone with some guy who knows
what it's like to feel real pain
my friends all moved around but i'm hanging around
this dirty little husk of a town
oh well

cause every city's lights look just the same
buzzing like mosquitoes in my brain
so i'm hanging back east -- 666 hail the beast
but the whole world looks like amherst anyways
Track Name: We Don't Get Along
i will stay up til the morning comes
til the lightning bugs
go to bed
and i'll watch snow gather on mountain tops
and feel fat rain drops
on my head

and oh what a surprise that we met our demise
in a thick slice of suburban sprawl
rather than over the wall where the lightning bugs crawl
we won't hear your mom call

and i don't love you although i used to
but i'm telling you
i never did
cause i'm gonna stay up the whole night long
drinking and singing songs
i loved as a kid

and i still have a t-shirt from when we saw defeater
in lieu of our first high school prom
but all of our friends have moved on
and we don't get along
no we don't get along
Track Name: Get Divorced!
Woke up today with a profound sense of dread
Cause I didn't recognize this room or this bed
But I had my coffee and I cleared up my head
And I found you with the Sunday paper, making waffles, frying eggs

This house needs some work before the realtors come
We've got a nice garden but the inside's become
Like Vanity Fair or Dorian Gray
Those eggs have been expired for days, but we will eat them anyways

And I don't know about you
But I think it's time for us to move away
Cause I've been feeling bad these days
And I don't wanna force
But I think it's time for us to get divorced
Cause we don't love each other as much as we did before

My boss told me to get a new watch
Because I currently have a cheap Chinese knockoff
But just to be frank I really couldn't care less
Cause I've already got too many things I wouldn't really miss

Like Versace ties or my Mercedes Benz
Or this stupid cologne or this fucking garden
We've got those self portraits from when we were young
But nowadays we're so mature that every night we slash 'em up

And I don't know about you
But I think it's time for us to move away
Cause I've been feeling bad these days
And I don't wanna force
But I think it's time for us to get divorced
Cause we don't love each other as much as we did before

And I won't throw a fit
But I think it's time for us to call it quits
Track Name: Over Easy, I Guess
last night we yelled again and threw the garbage all across the floor
so i stayed up til morn
looked through our drawers again and found some letters from forgotten friends
i hope we see them again
cause when we say "i hate you" i think we mean "lets go dancing again"

i've got a radio it plays the same 5 songs everyday but i like it that way
they mingled with your snores while we were passed out on your parents floor
but things aren't like that anymore
when we say "i hate you" i think we mean let's go dancing again

and when we say "we're happy" we just mean "each other's all we've got left"
if those eggs are all expired i will take mine over easy
i guess
Track Name: Punk Song
most of these nights you feel nailed to the floor
so you light up a smoke as you walk out the door
you go shoot the shit with some trivial bloke
but no matter what you can't shrug off your yoke
anxiety is the worst type of disease
your friends dancing to the dead kennedys

too busy dancing to notice the streets
a flare of blue lights its the NYPD
all of the marxists in patches and black
you feel out of place in your NRA cap
anyways, now the cops are coming up to the door
we shall fight them on the streets, on the beaches, and the shore

there go the anarchists look at em run
in my dreams the cops like to dance and have fun
but in real life it's truncheons and tear gas and guns
i'm sorry officer we were just having fun
society is the worst type of disease
we're bound for extinction
let's dance and let's dream